Should I stay or should I go.

When I came back to the office on Monday, my cubicle was just the way I left it; empty drawers, knocked over ergonomically design chair and my big wad of gum pressed firmly on the monitor. I looked around to see if any angry people were heading my way to give me a good talking to, but, nope. Not a peep. I don’t think anyone really noticed my small act of rebellion/treason so I tried to act natural and cleaned up my space and put things back where they were. I didn’t want to touch the gum just yet because I wanted to savour the feeling I got when I stuck it there, so I spent the day working around it, scrolling and moving windows so I could see whatever I needed to see.
My feelings of satisfaction and content soon faded after my first break. I see all the young 20 year old girls everywhere in the office. I’ve fallen in love with every single one of them, but the one girl, Clara, tortures my mind without fail every time I see her. Sometimes when I’m inspired/brave/apathetic enough, I strike up a conversation with her. I ask her about T.V. shows, if she’s seen any movies lately, what did she do on the weekend, that sort of thing. What I’d really like to ask her is how do I get to become her boyfriend. Why is she so desirable? Why does she torture me so with her very existence? But I don’t want to get written up and I don’t want to scare the shit out of her. In my day dreams, we have been on dates, made love, gotten married and settled in the suburbs. I think to myself about what her boyfriend would think if he saw a complete mental case like me talking to his woman. I’m not sure if she has a boyfriend, but any female that gorgeous MUST have a collection of boyfriends.
Instead of sitting in the break room eating by myself, I spent my lunch hour sitting in my car in the parking lot listening to talk radio while I crammed my ham, cheese and mustard sandwich in my face. They were interviewing a kid who could speak 25 languages and he set some sort of world record. My first reaction was “bullshit” and disappointment that I never thought of doing something like that. I could’ve spent every god damn hour of my life learning a useful skill instead of living my little life. I’m only 25 so I have lots of time left to pursue whatever.